have you ever felt an urge to do something really damaging to yourself?

like getting drunk all day, or smoking your way to hell?

i have. and i'm still feeling that way.

i used to have thoughts of wondering what my future would be like, since i could never think of what i would like to do in the future. i always thought that i would die early, because everyone seemed to have aspirations and dreams, and i never did. i thought that, without such dreams, it was a sign that i was meant to die young.

laughable, isn't it?

but it isn't exactly funny for me, at this stage. i still have thoughts like that. my question wasn't when would i die, but how i would die.

surprising, mcr kinda changed that for me.

i've learnt. learnt from gerard. from frank.

they've quit smoking so as to provide a good example for their fans.

gerard quit drinking because he realized what a dive his life was taking.

as he says, people aren't actually afraid of dying. they're afraid of living.

i'm gonna hold on to this life.

what the hell is it with adults and emo now?

emo's been around for a long time. it used to be known as ANGST.

'cept now its kinda more intense.

and emo doesn't cause people to cut themselves.

people cut themselves because they feel the urge to, because they need a way to express themselves. and some do it because they think it's cool to do so.

don't blame it on emo.

emo's just a way of saying fuck you to the world.

its a good day today.

i've got my wallet back.

and a handphone.

and spa's over! no more skill a! haha.

i am happy.

he's happy too!

i went into hysterics this morning.

my friends and i were looking at this cockroach crawling about on the canteen floor.

then someone flipped it over without realizing it.

then another person stepped on it without knowing it.

we heard it getting squashed.

so the bunch of us started shrieking and screaming.

i went into a slight hyperventilation.

a life was snuffed out in front of our lives like that.

i wonder. would my life be snuffed out the same way too? with no one realizing it?

the bitch broke my cd case.

i'm so gonna buy a new one.

with her money.

HER money, one way or another.

fucking bitch.

who doesn't give a fucking apology.

she's gonna rot in fucking hell.

KARMA.

i think my favourite song now is:

The Ghost of You.

you're never coming home,
never coming home.

Frank: "Has goldfinger ever had a flock of mooses advancing on him? It's a terrifying sight."
Mikey: "That's not the plural of moose, it's moosi."
Gerard: "Fuck off, it's meese."

haha. what retards. but they're MY retards.

when i'm listening to their songs, my moods kinda fall up and down.
i'm high listening to them. their songs are sweet, funny, romantic, depressing, and heart-breaking.
for a hint of heart-breaking go look at the mv for the ghost of you.
seriously man. i cried watching that. not only because mikey died, but gerard was kinda singing his heart out for him. damn touching. haha. that's what you get for having two brothers in the band.
watching interviews later told me something. they nearly drowned when making that mv. in the u-boat.. you know? the boat they were on before running onto the shore.
also mikey said he had to pretend to die for like 45 mins. haha.
then gerard was saying some guy was damn agitated when he saw the video. (i forgot who the guy was)
anyway. ray was supposed to be the first-aider trying to save mikey. then he didn't succeed. so that guy was damn frustrated that ray didn't save mikey.
haha.
i was kinda like that as well.

then, as i listen more, i get depressed. hearing them on the cd makes me want to hear them live. i want to see them live. i yearn to see them live. i long to see them live. you kinda get the idea.
especially when christina, eunice, yijuan and jingyi discuss about dbsk coming to malaysia.
i'm thinking, mcr will probably never even come here. have they even heard of Singapore? i'm kinda afraid that the circumstances with green day will happen with them.
its unfair. they've toured us. they're goign to uk. they've went to japan and australia. what about SINGAPORE??
hearing news about them coming here would really make my day.

won't somebody tell them to come here?

i had to die for 45 minutes.

haha..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gfp7XgbexSE

go watch this. its damn cute. or mikey's damn cute.

they wee talking about how their physical appearance changed for the new album.

mikey: i woke up one day and i could see again.
*slap both eyes, one at a time*
*som funny sound*

its at 1.24.

haha.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0P6hfa5E2u4&NR

then gerard winks at the end of this one. hee.

everyone was laughing at him earlier on. especially bob. for playing with his hair.

i'm gonna be different today.

promoting a new song.

though i think its quite old?

go listen to face down, by the red jumpsuit apparatus.

its a nice song.

haha.

this video(MCR I Don't Love You) is.. different. but nice.

the two extra ppl are damn freaky.

but gerard's damn cute. looks like he's gonna cry any moment.

what's with frank and his hair?!!

If you marry me,
Would you bury me?
Would you carry me to the end?
-To The End, My Chemical Romance

when i heard the song the first time, i was like, fuck. if only they were singing it to me. Then i'll say, i would, but i won't bury him. he and i will live together forever.

haha. i'm kinda obsessed.

R.I.P.
Shuanghong's Wallet
Died Unjustly on the 5th of March 2007.
Shuanghong Will Always Remember You.

Cause i left my I.C. inside. with the yearly notes from trace. and the pretty pretty 20 dollar note. and my MONEY.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

i hope the balls of the person who took my wallet and NOT return it will freeze and drop off.

then have his wallet taken away from him.

he deserves more than infinite times the amount of agony i felt.

you know how much trouble it is to replace everything inside??!

argh.



yay. common tests are over.

looking forward to more. NOT.


had mini-class outing today. everybody pang-seyed except for me and carmen and most of the guys.

went cycling. butt-ache.

went to lie on the beach for awhile. NICE!

then. we found a hidden gem. or not. depends on who you are.

there's this ulu arcade on the second storey of the building where we rent our bikes. practically all the games cost one buck each. i repeat. ONE buck. haha. of course, bishy-bashy also one dollar. so we never play. but there was DDR. one dollar!!! too bad one of the sensor spoilt. but we complained. so i think they'll repair it soon. haha. and the best thing is its quite EMPTY. so can malu ourselves for all we want. got a lot of games too. worth a check out. haha.

we're wondering of whether to rent the chalet at safra changi. got nice kiddy pool! haha.